Four years ago Burt had surgery for colon cancer. In my heart I believed he would win this physical battle. Being an optimistic person, I don’t generally see defeat in my mind. The doctor’s words that the surgery would “prolong life, not necessarily produce quality of life” were stuffed in the back of my mind and maybe I subconsciously decided to make an exception to that prediction. Now I start to see what that means.
For the past four years he and I have fought his physical battle. We continued life as usual by visiting our sons and their families, socializing as we could with our friends, spending a part of almost every day riding on our farm property, feeding the fish, or simply enjoying the scenery. Sometimes I’d be bored and the ride would feel bumpy, but in my mind I logged the memory because deep down I knew one day I wouldn’t be able to do this–enjoy the simple gift of an ordinary day.
Now that day is here.
Several years ago I read a book entitled Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. In it he says every man needs a “battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.” In spite of his physical challenges, I still see Burt living out those desires.
One example being the fact that for the past few years we found ourselves always together. A simple errand became an opportunity to get out of the house, together. And he always drove. I’d offer but he never seemed willing. Now I see this as a subconscious (or maybe a conscious) effort to “rescue his beauty,” to be my hero. He called it “driving Miss Daisy.”
Thinking about that old movie brings up intense emotions. I probably couldn’t watch it now because of its reality. In my inexperienced mind I thought it was a sweet, sentimental story but now I feel I’m living it as one of the main characters.
As his physical capability declined the past few years, I saw more and more efforts to help me with tasks and do things that mattered to me. This same guy, in our earlier years together, didn’t seem to notice my complaints about a chore that I had to do or a maintenance that needed attention. I think in his busy mind he knew he’d get around to it one day and meanwhile, he had bigger, more important battles to fight.
Now his biggest battle is the battle to live. But his reason for wanting to win this battle isn’t just to overcome; it’s because he believes he still has to rescue his beauty…and that’s me.