I got this message from one of my "special girls," a young mom with two toddlers and a newborn:
My servant attitude sure has been challenged recently. Especially with the addition of another little one with so many "needs". I have even caught myself rolling my eyes when a little one dares to utter the word, "Mama". I know alot of my attitudes are from lack of sleep and the constant "neediness" of being a mom. Trying to adjust/correct my 'tude, but also trying not to beat myself up during this season of my life. It's all a balancing act.........but that has left me wondering, does it ever balance?
I understand the question. Will the day ever come that we don't have some disappointment in ourselves as moms, those times when we lose our cool and find the very ones we are devoted to and would lay down our lives for are the ones we become frustrated with. I said that, at times, I didn't even LIKE my own kids! I realize now it was myself I didn't like. I didn't like my lack of self-control, my lack of patience, my lack of the nature of Jesus. That's what I wanted to show to my family, but instead I have shown annoyance to the very ones God sent me to minister to. The disappointment in my own behavior becomes a harsh exposure of the deficiencies in my own life.
Dealing with the stubborn spirit in our children makes it evident how far we human beings are from being like the Master. No doubt, to God we look no different from the belligerent two-year-old who throws herself on the floor and kicks her feet, or the siblings who tug and wrestle over some toy. It's all about having our things our way. The angry little toddler who screams at being denied a treat before dinner is motivated by the same spirit that causes me to yell at a child who just tracked mud over my clean floor.
Dealing with small children shows me another spiritual lesson: I can't do it successfully without HELP. And that's exactly why God sent the Holy Spirit to us, to help us in our weaknesses. Yes, everything is a balance. Our busy, demanding lives have to be balanced with time to be refreshed and renewed by the Holy Spirit. Sometimes we just need a nap! Parenting is not easy; to me, neither is grand-parenting. My precious grandchildren remind me how much I need God's help to let the fruit of the Spirit come forth.
Sometimes I think I expose too much to the young women I mentor. I confess my lack of composure. But at the same time, I tell them where to find the watering hole: resting on Jesus's bosom and believing He will impart His presence to us and His wisdom for the tasks we face. Jesus Himself became tired. He sat "wearily" by a well and sent the disciples on ahead to get food (John 4:6); He needed time alone so He left the disciples early in the morning and went to pray (Mark 1:35). I love the verse in Mark 1:33, "The whole town gathered at [his] door." That's a verse we mothers can relate to—sometimes it feels like the whole town is gathered at our door...especially when we're in the bathroom!
The life of Jesus was one of composure and balance. The only way to find this for ourselves is to spend time in His presence, and that means we remember He has placed His Spirit within us, and because of it, we will find the balance we need.
